Becoming a nutritionist made me bonkers.

Something has been heavy on my mind lately and I honestly haven’t been able to quite put it into cohesive words for a blog post. I am not 100% positive that’s even going to happen today, but it’s time to get them out anyway.

As you most likely know, I am a Master Nutrition Therapist. What does that mean exactly?  

Well, I’m glad you asked. 

It means I am super fucked up. 

Wut. 

Yeah, I said it. 

I got into nutrition to find THE ONE THING that would heal the world. I had small ambitions, okay???  But truly, I believed I’d find that thing. The magic answer.  

Guess what?

I didn’t.  

But also…I got TOO MANY answers. 

I don’t know where this is going. And I truly hope it doesn’t come across as whiney or bitchy or idiotic but hear me out.

I started my nutrition journey as a fat chick with a thyroid problem.  Hashimotos to be exact. 

I lost the weight through a weight loss place.  That wasn’t the big issue.  What kept me going was seeing the other people HEAL and DROP THEIR MEDS just with changing a few foods around and eliminating some.  

So, I went to school.  4 years of school. 

That’s a lot of learnin. From the cellular level up, I learned what makes the body tick. 

I also studied all those other diets.  Paleo. Vegan. pH balanced. This. That. And the other. 

They all have merits.  I have pretty much put myself on each and every one for various reasons, from my own personal health and weight goals to just sheer curiosity.  

But here’s where I got fucked up along the way somehow.  Now, if I try to diet or lose weight, I can’t FOR THE LIFE OF ME figure out what to do. 

My brain goes a little something like this when I start the process of eating healthier (this isn’t for the faint of heart.  Be strong and power through, I know my brain is a scary place…)

Me: My god woman.  Enough with the fruity pebbles.  These size 6 jeans might be holding in your ass now, but they’re about to bust. Just because they use that “curvy girl” magical fabric doesn’t mean you should test their limits!  Get yer ass to the gym and start eating healthy again!”

Also me: Yeah, you’re right.  Ok.  MONDAY I’ll start.  So, I’ll just eat clean. No more junk!

Me: Sounds like a plan.  Get that grocery list going.

Also me:  Chicken….ground turkey……greek yogurt…but wait.  According to my LEAP test results I can’t have chicken. Or turkey.  Or dairy.  

Me: Focus, girl.  At least it’s not Taco Bell.

Also me:  Right right right….ok….brown rice….quinoa….oats….but wait.  According to the paleo diet I shouldn’t have grains.

Me: My god.  

Also me:  FINE.  Berries….bananas….pineapple.  But wait.  According to the low carb diet I shouldn’t have…

Me: Oh for fucks sake.  

So you see.  I start a diet and then I give up because I get lost in finding the “right one”.  And I’ve actually had success on each and every one. I’ve lost weight on paleo. I’ve lost weight eating dairy twice a day. I’ve lost weight on low carb. I’ve lost weight on pH. I’ve lost weight doing all kinds of weird things.  But my biggest issue I guess is that I want it to work right now, without a doubt and I want the weight to fall off. So what’s the best one to do for that?  If I pick the wrong one I’ve wasted my time and who’s got time for that??

This is usually where I give up and then go hog wild eating whatever I want.  Because that makes total sense.  

I’m smart. I’m a good nutritionist. I know what to do for my clients. But for me, that inside voice gets me all wonky.  It’s a fear of some sort.  A fear of what?  Failing?  Giving up my favorite foods?  I am honestly not sure but I just need to throw a dart and pick a diet and stick to it no matter what that crack addict voice inside is telling me.  

Guess I better get my grocery list going.  

Spinach….romaine…fruity pebbles…. oops.  :)

I hired a Dietician!

So, if you follow my facebook page, you already know that I'm going to be doing the LEAP protocol and MRT test. Just had the blood test a few days ago, so I'll be getting my results in about two weeks. My lovely dietician is Courtney Rinehold of Rinehold Nutrition. Yes, I'm a nutritionist and I just hired a dietician.  Crazytown, right?  She's so amazing though, and the only one doing the LEAP testing around my area. We discovered this on our way to a buddhist temple to meditate a few weeks ago. I'll save that story for another blog. ;)

Anywho, you might be wondering what the LEAP protocol and MRT testing is. I'd tell you, but it's a little too sciency for me this early in the morning and I wanted to just bust this blog out super quick like, so I'll give you the official version at a later time.  But for now, the gist is: certain foods cause inflammation in the body.  Each person has different foods that do this.  Sometimes those foods can be tricky tricky healthy ones, like spinach, salmon, basil, lettuce, almonds etc.....which is just mean!  This inflammation leads to ALL THE THINGS that could be wrong with you.  IBS, Crohn's, aches and pains, depression, fatigue, migraines, weight fluctuations...the list goes on for days.  The goal is to remove those inflammatory foods for a certain amount of time until your body heals, inflammation goes away, and then you can gradually add these foods back in to a degree that won't trigger the inflammation again. Easy peasy, right?  Probably not.  I am going into this assuming all my favorite foods are what's causing the inflammation, but with Courtney's help, and my own foodie creativity, I should be fine.  Plus, I'm kinda desperate and this is fascinating, so here we go.

My main reasons for doing this testing are as follows:

1.) I can't seem to lose weight.  Scratch that. I can lose the weight, but I am really struggling with staying on a healthy diet that will actually help me lose the weight.  This could possibly have to do with how inflammation is affecting the communication between my brain and the hormone leptin.  Food addictions and cravings are all part of this equation.  See this article HERE. So, let's say my go-to healthy/clean eating foods are THE PROBLEM. Well then that would explain the vicious cycle of starting a clean diet, and falling right off within a few days.

2.) SOFA. KING. Tired.  Like woah.  So tired.

3.) Hashimotos.  Yes, I have had hashimotos for about 20 years, but this whole inflammation thing is connected and can only improve this condition, which will only improve everything else, like metabolism, immune system, fatigue, etc.

4.)  Bursitis in my leg and plantar fasciitis in my foot. Did I mention I'm 90?

So those are MY top reasons for doing this testing.  It's not cheap and may not be covered by your insurance, so I don't recommend you get this unless you're serious about it.

I'll be following up in two weeks after the results are in, and will keep you informed of what I'm eating and how it's all going. If you have any questions, let me know!  If you've done this before, I'd love to hear your story too!

In the meantime, let's all say a prayer that sour cream isn't one of my NO foods, mmmkay??  Thanks!  xoxo