Touch me fall

Ok so that title has practically nothing to do with this particular blog, but I do have Indigo Girls playing on vinyl as I type this, so work with me here.  

To say I’ve had a pretty stressful month is quite the understatement. I can’t go into too many details but let’s just say it’s been bad.  Like, alcoholic-inducing, is 2018 trying to kill me bad.

I’ve been in somewhat of a fight or flight mode for weeks.  Running on air with no time to chill. I don’t know if it’s because I’m an only child or because I’m an introvert (or am i an introvert because i am an only child???) but I NEED my alone time.  Lots of it. Introverts, do ya feel me? It’s not like, “Ooh I just want to be home.” It’s literally I can’t function if I don’t recharge my batteries….at my own home….alone as can be.  As a single mom that’s hard enough most days. But these last few weeks have made it nearly impossible.

SO I decided a few days ago to make today a down day.  I had to cancel some plans and rearrange a few things but I was determined to have NO REASON to leave the house.  Of course that immediately means everyone and their grandma wants plans with me all of a sudden.  Including one guy I was supposed to go on a date with. We had rescheduled a few times already so I knew when I told him no (again) it would be an issue. And it was.  But I stuck to mah guns and said no anyway.  And holy shit am I glad I did.

For one thing, it was the best day ever. I got myself some starbucks. Grabbed some groceries.  Worked around the house a bit. Lit some candles. Listened to Indigo Girls and Patty Griffin on vinyl. Ordered an area rug. Read some much neglected books.  HEAVEN. 

And for two, he really showed his true colors as far as I’m concerned.  He knows what kind of stress I’ve been dealing with and anyone with a heart should have said, “I totally get it. You’ve been through a lot. I’m here if you need me” instead of cutting all ties/unfriending me like a big baby. A BIG baby, I tell ya. (Single ladies, watch for these kinds of red flags. They tell you a lot about what he’ll be like in the future.)

NO ONE should ever make you feel bad for taking some down time to regroup and reenergize.   In fact if someone truly cares about you they should recognize your need for it and make sure you’re getting it in.  Especially introverts. I truly believe realizing I was an introvert and then really focusing on allowing myself alone time on a regular basis has made all the difference in the world with my ability to cope with all the things. 

When we operate under constant stress, we're bound to burn out.  Taking some down time isn't just good for you, it helps you be your best for everyone around you.  It's a win-win if ever there was one.

So, take my advice and listen to your soul.  Pick a day.  Say no a whole bunch. (Do not feel guilty about it!) Do your favorite things. And breathe.  xoxo

Broken Open

I read my first Elizabeth Lesser book, Broken Open, about 10 years ago when my marriage was in the beginning stages of the end.  I fell madly in love with her words. They struck me right in the feels and spoke perfectly what I had been unable to put into words myself.  I went on to buy The Seeker’s Guide by Lesser as well, but it didn’t resonate with me at the time, it was like it was written in a foreign language, so I put it aside.  A year later, I saw it sitting there as I was walking outside to enjoy the spring weather the best way I know how….with hot tea and a book! As I began reading the book this time, every. single. word was exactly what I needed to hear. I now consider it my bible. Nearly every page is dog eared/highlighted/written in….talk about getting the lesson when you’re ready to learn!

Fast forward through a few more self-help books, a handful of years, lots of tears and several relationships. I’ve been divorced 3 years but just now really grasping the meaning of being broken open.  

My most recent relationship was without a doubt the most intense one of my life.  It was a short one, in the grand scheme of things, only a year and 3 months, but the depth of love I gave and felt were unmatched.  He was my home.  He was my “lobster” (supposedly they mate for life….or one year and 3 months in this case) ;) He was the ever elusive “one” that we all seek on some level. 

Or so I thought.

Without going into much detail, that relationship came to an extremely abrupt end.  Not only did it end unexpectedly, he was in a “facebook official” relationship merely 10 days later.  Believe me, I would love to just rant and rant about my feelings towards that situation, but that’s not the point of this writing today. Perhaps I’ll save that for another time.  :)

Today I want to focus on the being broken open part of this lesson.  And it is a lesson. The very best, most magical lesson I could have ever asked for.  It’s so cliche, but you really do find the blessing in the breaking.  Because my ex was my life…my future…when he was no longer there, I truly believe I died in some way.  I actually did pray for death for several days.  Dramatic much?  But really….my heart just gave up.  It went black.  I was never going to love again. I no longer believed in love or “the one”. In fact the thought of all that made me sick to my stomach.  I cried and ached and yelled and hated and grasped at ANY form of reality that could explain any of this. But in the end…there was nothing.  I was dead inside.  I was broken.  

Until…I broke WIDE OPEN.  

You see, there comes a moment during a painful time where you have to choose.  You choose to die and give up or you choose to live the brightest you ever could!  I dug deep. I turned to christian music for the first time in years. Not because I was specifically looking for God but because all the other dumb stations were about dating and love and putting a ring on it and that was just too barf-orama for me during that time.

The first song I heard was one by Casting Crowns called Just be held.  The lyrics that grabbed me and shook me awake were:

“So when you're on your knees and answers seem so far away

You're not alone, stop holding on and just be held

Your world's not falling apart, it's falling into place

I'm on the throne, stop holding on and just be held”

Man.  

I was vacuuming at the time. I remember it clearly.  I stopped dead in my tracks and just bawled my fool head off.  CLEAR OFF.  Bawled it right off my body.  I let the words sink in.  My world wasn’t falling apart….it was falling into place.  And i just needed to let GOD hold me.  And lemme tell ya…until then I was not exactly a “God person”.  Sure I sorta believed but it wasn’t until that moment that I accepted without any doubt whatsoever that he was there. And he was holding my broken pieces for me…waiting for me to be ready to be whole again.

Fast forward 7 months and not only have I picked those pieces up, I have fused them back together with the shiniest, most magical love of all time.  I finally found “the one” and it’s not who I ever expected.  But it’s exactly who I needed.

I personally believe that God is inside each of us, so when I fell in love with God again, I also fell in love with myself for the first time. You see, I had to…LITERALLY HAD TO… go through that amazing relationship and have it end in that EXACT SAME WAY for me to break apart and crack so open that all of me spilled out onto the floor so I could see myself for the very first time.  For really real.  

For realzies.

I saw the crazy. I saw the passion. I saw the “over-thinker” and the woman. I saw the child and the lover and I saw the real me and I fell madly in love with every single bit.  How could I not?  I’m the only me I have.  

Being Broken Open was the greatest gift of my life. Things are much different now. I feel like I was reborn.  I walk through the world much more aware of my feelings and I’m much more sensitive to emotions. I guard my heart a little more. I protect myself from negative people and people who want to use me for my good.  I feel more connected to this world and yet up above it at the same time.  I’m thankful for my journey and feel like the luckiest girl alive.  

I hope your breakdowns bring you blessings too. xoxo

Phases of a narcissistic relationship

I've recently become aware of something called a narcissist.  I hadn't previously known much about this disorder, and many times I wish I still didn't know about it.  But, the reality of it is that at some point in our lives we will come into contact with one and it's best to understand what it is and how it can affect us...as well as how to avoid it like the plague.

This could be a parent/child relationship, a working relationship, or a romantic relationship.  There are different kinds of narcissists as well, and it's important not to lump just anyone who has a big ego into this category.

It's also important to understand what about you led them to you (yes our energies attract this) and what in you was Ok with being treated the way you were/what was drawn to this personality type in the first place. I'll cover that in future articles.

In this article I am going to highlight the 3 phases of being in a relationship with a narcissist.  Unfortunately, you won't know you are in this kind of relationship unless you're in phase 2 or later.  Because stage one is so euphoric and "perfect", we people pleasers/fixers/dreamers tend to fall head over heals with this person in stage one.  But, sadly (or luckily, depending on how you view it), it won't last...

Phases of Narcissistic Relationships:

**The Idolization Phase** (aka "lovebombing")

They are hyper-vigilant in their pursuit and will project the perfect image that their victim wants them to be. They are excessively caring, loving and attentive at this stage. They shower their targets with attention, compliments and literally sweep them off their feet.  It is likely that you will be presented with gifts, trips, special thoughtful acts and they will make you feel like you are “their soul mate” or that “they’ve never loved anyone this way before.”  

Narcissists need approval and lots of it. And they need attention and lots of it. (you’ll find them on lots of social media/posting many selfies carefully crafting the image they want people to believe.) This “new supply” you are providing gives them this attention…for now…and they use it to their advantage.

**The Devaluation Stage**

They become moody and agitated easily, blaming you for even the slightest transgression. They pick on your insecurities and highlight them under the guise of “helping improve your life”. You find yourself walking on eggshells, trying to avoid arguments.  The narcissist will be heard saying things such as "You're the only person who misunderstands what I say. You're totally over-emotional” or "You're the only person in the world I have these problems with.” The gift giving fades away and the gaslighting begins (making you feel “crazy” for your beliefs and causing you to doubt your own reality) They are never wrong, and you find yourself apologizing for things that are not your fault.  You may begin to see red flags and sense you’re in an emotionally abusive relationship, but most of the time you make excuses because “they are usually so loving” or “this only happens occasionally”.

**The Discard Phase**

It is almost baffling to watch the ease at which a narcissist can pull away from his partners. Many targets are left asking themselves, “Did he ever love me? Did I mean anything to him?” The narcissist discards you when your usefulness has run out. They are almost incapable of not being in a relationship and move on almost immediately, oftentimes before the other relationship has ended.  It will be as though the relationship never happened, and in some cases the narcissist will start discrediting the victim as a way to keep their “perfect” image in tact.  Remember, the narcissist is never to blame and will defend tooth and nail anything others deem inappropriate or wrong.

The ending of this kind of relationship can be very damaging and it's extremely important NOT to blame yourself or lower your self worth (especially if they moved on quickly with someone else).  It is very important to forgive yourself for "falling for it" and learn as much as you can to avoid it in the future.  Learn to LOVE YOUR DAMN SELF and get on with being amazing.  xo

Have you had experiences with a narcissistic relationship?  Comment below!

Depression and hitting the lottery

From the recent newsletter :  

Hey y’all!  Did ya miss me??? ;)  

I swear I did NOT fall off the face of the earth, but I sure tried to. 

Let me backtrack a bit…

You might recall I started this thing called the LEAP protocol about a month or so before Christmas.  As you know, if you’ve been reading these newsletters, I did amazing on it.  I lost 15 pounds in 5 weeks and many of my health issues that had been plaguing me vanished. 

But, as humans do, I struggled with the temptations of the holidays. And I fell victim to stress!  

>> Holy balls, it was stressful this year. <<

I am a single mom now.  And in addition to trying to grow my nutrition business, primarily raising two kids, care for two pets and manage a household, I run a seasonal company that gets super busy during the holidays.  I am also working part time to help support these crazy kids, and in the meantime attempting to be healthy by exercising and cooking everything from scratch! Oh, and I really, really hate winter. So you can say I lost my marbles a bit and ate my face off for a few weeks, thinking I’d hop right back on the LEAP train after the holidays were over.  

But the holidays came and went and I was getting deeper and deeper into depression. Like, woah. If you saw the video I posted on my facebook page, you already know I had become pretty suicidal.  It got really bad.  I wanted desperately to just end my “horrible” life. Of course logically I knew it would pass, but when you get into that dark of a space, it doesn’t matter. You can really only feel sad and worthless. You don’t want to talk to anyone. You don’t want anyone to help you.  I was convinced that I was a waste of breath and I actually found myself mad at my kids because they were what was preventing me from following through with it.  

Yep.  

My finances sucked. My romantic relationships were in the shitter. I was betrayed by someone I deeply loved and trusted. I had gained some weight back and didn’t think I’d ever get back on track. I was getting nowhere with my business. I was cold and miserable and my kids were eating Doritos for breakfast.  What was the point of going on? I was clearly failing at all the things.

But.

But…

There was that damn voice inside me. Telling me crazy shit like, “It’s all going to be fine.  I’ve got you.” and “You’re amazing and capable and need to be alive so you can change the world.”  I tried to ignore the voice as best as I could. I drank. I ate. I cried. I slept.  But, in the long run, obviously, that inner voice won. 

>> That fucker is relentless. << 

I finally got the courage to see my doctor. You should know that I am NOT a fan of prescription drugs.  I only take a natural thyroid medication and normally would recommend doing everything possible to avoid going on prescriptions (in fact, part of my work as a nutritionist is to get people OFF their medications), however, in this case it was literally life or death.   I started taking a new medication for anxiety and depression and within a week I was starting to breathe again. I wasn’t suffocating under my own heaviness anymore.  I started going to the gym.  I managed to get there 5 days, despite still struggling a little and hating the cold weather.  One week became two, and then two became three and next thing you know my business is on fire, my finances took a miraculous (i’m talking MIRACLES here, people) turn for the better, i’m back to losing weight, my personal relationships are better than EVER and my kids are only eating Doritos as snacks now. (hey! baby steps, people!) 

Once the deep depression subsided, I remember at one point I was lying on the bathroom floor, just allowing all the feelings to wash over me. And, I started cry-laughing hysterically. 

>> I wondered if I had officially gone crazy.  <<

Or had I just had the biggest realization of my life?  This overwhelming feeling of peace hit me like a ton of bricks and I remember thinking..no, KNOWING….that God (universe...divine...whatever you want to call it) has me. He’s holding me tight. Always has. Always will. And I can let go now.

Trust.

Love.

Be.

Everything is working out SO much better than I could have ever dreamed!

Happiness.

Faith.

Gratitude.

Now that the dust has settled and I’m on a regular schedule at the gym, I started back on the LEAP protocol.  I truly did feel amazing on it.  And I’m still studying to get certified as a LEAP therapist. So that’s all still a go!  But sometimes you just need to pause. Slow down and catch your breath.  And once you’re ready…hop back on that train.  

P.S. What's the lottery got to do with anything??, I didn't hit the lottery, but lately my life sure feels like I did!  Happiness, love, amazing friends, beautiful opportunities and a rich life full of magic….feels like hitting the lottery to me!  ;)

»»»--- HEART to HEART -----»

For those of you who don't know....hearts follow me. 

❤

About 2 years ago, I asked for a sign, and since then, hearts literally show up everywhere I go. Not just actual heart shaped things, but things that accidentally look like hearts in nature. I take them as a good sign that I'm on the right journey.

From time to time I'm going to share one of my heart finds, along with a personal heart to heart story for you as a way to show you how much nutrition and health are affected by our "story".

I'm a master nutrition therapist by trade, but if there's one thing I've learned BIG TIME this year, it's that nutrition is just one *teeny tiny* part of the health equation.

So I'm going deeper. I have a lot more to offer than just nutrition advice. We are much more complicated than what our "diet" looks like. Amiright?? Let's talk about those things.

»» Let's go beyond the green smoothie. ««

I want to hear your stories and find out what feeds YOUR happy.

For example, this photo today is probably one of my favorite finds even though I have over 600 heart photos and just saw this one a few days ago. I was standing in the right spot, with just the right point of view, and two completely different pieces lined up to form a heart.

It was taken at my gym.

I say *my* gym for two reasons: I work there as a nutritionist, but it has also become a place where I found my strength. Not just the obvious muscle strength, but the ever elusive internal kind. Ahhh. 🙌

I haven't always been a "gym rat", in fact most of the time I exercised my excuse muscle more than anything else. But because I am always striving to be better, and determined to be stronger, emotionally and physically, than ever, I've managed to create a habit of hitting the gym 5-6 days a week for the first time in my life.

»» And I'm freaking proud of that. ««

It feeds my happy. It's nourishment for my soul. The obvious physical effects are one thing....but the internal confidence and belief in myself are priceless. ❤

What are you doing to conquer your demons and become a better you? Are you striving to become the best version of you or have you given up hope? How can I help you feed your happy? 

Big love and magic!  ~ Christy <3

✨

Heart healthy juices for LOVE week: Veggie Lovers

It's day three of our celebration of LOVE and heart-healthy juices with OMEGA Juicers!

I did a juice "feast" in the fall and intended to last at least 7 days. I only lasted 2 days. While I certainly didn't break any fasting records, I did create a lovely juice that I still enjoy from time to time. It's almost all vegetables and is very similar in taste to a V-8, but much healthier for you!

The ingredients are so good for your heart, which of course is the whole point of this 5 day juice party!  

Most people know that tomatoes are good for you, but peppers, especially hot, capsaicin filled ones like jalapeno, are very good for cardiovascular health too!  Besides that, the cilantro and parsley are full of heart healthy compounds and prevent inflammation!

Don't have these exact ingredients?  That's ok!  Just throw ANY veggie into your juicer and it will be great.  Celery adds a bit of a salty taste, carrots sweeten juices up, and lemon brings a nice, fresh tangyness. Other than that, most veggies don't change the flavor all that much. Experiment and see what you can create!

Veggie Lovers

2 cups of grape tomatoes (or 2 large tomatoes, chopped)

5 large carrots

½ red pepper

3 stalks of celery

½ cup cilantro, loosely packed

½ cup parsley, loosely packed

1 lemon, peeled

Jalapeno, to taste (about 1 tablespoon or just about ½ inch slice)

This juice is so full of veggie goodness!  You can really tweak it to your own preference.  Add fresh garlic, onions or kale.  Leave out the jalapeno if you don’t want it spicy.  A very versatile and tasty way to start the day!

Makes 16 ounces

Tomorrow's juice: Sweet & Spicy

Recipe is my original creation.  Feel free to share, but please link back to this original post.  Thank you! 

Heart healthy juices for LOVE week: Lemonberry

In celebration of my very favorite holiday, VALENTINE'S DAY, Omega Juicers has asked me to develop five new heart-healthy juice recipes over the next five days.  Every single one of these recipes is SO FULL of heart healthy ingredients that you just may add 25 years to your life after drinking these!  Or, maybe, you'll just have a bigger smile on your face.  Either way, these are delicious and chock full of unbelievable nutrients and energy-producing goodness!  Let me know what you think! 

This particular recipe was my favorite.  It is not a cheap recipe, especially this time of year, but when berries are in season I plan to drink this every single day!  My husband did not like this one.  But he's a big wimp!  It's a little on the tart side of things, but you can most definitely add less lemon if you're also a wimp.  :)

The berries in this are loaded with heart-healthy antioxidants, and of course apples are known to keep the doctor away, and no wonder! They're brimming with antioxidants, phytochemicals and pectin!  Ginger is also an amazing spice for the heart!  It's full of anti-inflammatory properties and has been shown to lower LDL cholesterol!  WIN-WIN!

This juice was also a little bit thicker than most juices.  Berries are tricky to juice, and I had to "help" it go through my Omega strainer a bit, which is why it ended up a tad thick. But honestly, I really liked this texture. I swear it was like drinking a blackberry pie!  Deeeelish!  

Lemonberry

6 oz blackberries

2 cups blueberries

1 lemon, some peel left on

1 gala apple, quartered and cored

Fresh ginger, to taste

Use organic produce.

Makes 16 ounces

Tomorrow's Juice: Heart Beets! <3


Recipe is my original creation.  Feel free to share, but please link back to this original post.  Thank you!