Tuesday, March 8, 2016

Depression and hitting the lottery

From the recent newsletter :  

Hey y’all!  Did ya miss me??? ;)  

I swear I did NOT fall off the face of the earth, but I sure tried to. 

Let me backtrack a bit…

You might recall I started this thing called the LEAP protocol about a month or so before Christmas.  As you know, if you’ve been reading these newsletters, I did amazing on it.  I lost 15 pounds in 5 weeks and many of my health issues that had been plaguing me vanished. 

But, as humans do, I struggled with the temptations of the holidays. And I fell victim to stress!  

>> Holy balls, it was stressful this year. <<

I am a single mom now.  And in addition to trying to grow my nutrition business, primarily raising two kids, care for two pets and manage a household, I run a seasonal company that gets super busy during the holidays.  I am also working part time to help support these crazy kids, and in the meantime attempting to be healthy by exercising and cooking everything from scratch! Oh, and I really, really hate winter. So you can say I lost my marbles a bit and ate my face off for a few weeks, thinking I’d hop right back on the LEAP train after the holidays were over.  

But the holidays came and went and I was getting deeper and deeper into depression. Like, woah. If you saw the video I posted on my facebook page, you already know I had become pretty suicidal.  It got really bad.  I wanted desperately to just end my “horrible” life. Of course logically I knew it would pass, but when you get into that dark of a space, it doesn’t matter. You can really only feel sad and worthless. You don’t want to talk to anyone. You don’t want anyone to help you.  I was convinced that I was a waste of breath and I actually found myself mad at my kids because they were what was preventing me from following through with it.  


My finances sucked. My romantic relationships were in the shitter. I was betrayed by someone I deeply loved and trusted. I had gained some weight back and didn’t think I’d ever get back on track. I was getting nowhere with my business. I was cold and miserable and my kids were eating Doritos for breakfast.  What was the point of going on? I was clearly failing at all the things.



There was that damn voice inside me. Telling me crazy shit like, “It’s all going to be fine.  I’ve got you.” and “You’re amazing and capable and need to be alive so you can change the world.”  I tried to ignore the voice as best as I could. I drank. I ate. I cried. I slept.  But, in the long run, obviously, that inner voice won. 

>> That fucker is relentless. << 

I finally got the courage to see my doctor. You should know that I am NOT a fan of prescription drugs.  I only take a natural thyroid medication and normally would recommend doing everything possible to avoid going on prescriptions (in fact, part of my work as a nutritionist is to get people OFF their medications), however, in this case it was literally life or death.   I started taking a new medication for anxiety and depression and within a week I was starting to breathe again. I wasn’t suffocating under my own heaviness anymore.  I started going to the gym.  I managed to get there 5 days, despite still struggling a little and hating the cold weather.  One week became two, and then two became three and next thing you know my business is on fire, my finances took a miraculous (i’m talking MIRACLES here, people) turn for the better, i’m back to losing weight, my personal relationships are better than EVER and my kids are only eating Doritos as snacks now. (hey! baby steps, people!) 

Once the deep depression subsided, I remember at one point I was lying on the bathroom floor, just allowing all the feelings to wash over me. And, I started cry-laughing hysterically. 

>> I wondered if I had officially gone crazy.  <<

Or had I just had the biggest realization of my life?  This overwhelming feeling of peace hit me like a ton of bricks and I remember thinking..no, KNOWING….that God (universe...divine...whatever you want to call it) has me. He’s holding me tight. Always has. Always will. And I can let go now.




Everything is working out SO much better than I could have ever dreamed!




Now that the dust has settled and I’m on a regular schedule at the gym, I started back on the LEAP protocol.  I truly did feel amazing on it.  And I’m still studying to get certified as a LEAP therapist. So that’s all still a go!  But sometimes you just need to pause. Slow down and catch your breath.  And once you’re ready…hop back on that train.  

P.S. What's the lottery got to do with anything??, I didn't hit the lottery, but lately my life sure feels like I did!  Happiness, love, amazing friends, beautiful opportunities and a rich life full of magic….feels like hitting the lottery to me!  ;)

Wednesday, March 2, 2016

{{ You’re Stronger Than You Think }}

No, I’m not a size 2. I don’t always eat what I’m supposed to. I have curves. I'm not even close to perfect. (Don't want to be! I'm too damn good of a baker to even pretend like I could be! )😂 ;) )🍪)
But guess what?? I'll never. EVER. stop working for a stronger, more fit body.
I’ll never stop trying to be a better me.
I’ll never stop working for a richer spiritual life.
I'll never stop working for more challenging experiences and deeper relationships.
If there’s one thing I've learned this year (already!) it’s that I'm quite the fighter. I can get super depressed. I can wish I wasn't alive. I can be betrayed by someone I loved and trusted. I can hit rock bottom...but I just keep going.
One breath at a time.
One foot in front of the other.
One day at the gym after the other.
One small improvement after another.
And the reward for not giving up? Self confidence. A deep knowing that no matter what comes my way, I am stronger than it is. A love for myself like I’ve never had. And so much inner peace. 🙏
I don't need to compare myself to anyone but me. I'm a better version of me today than I was a year ago. And next year I'll be even better. And that’s all that matters.
I’ll never be perfect, but I am unstoppable.
Watch me.
(And P.S. You're unstoppable too! <3 )

Tuesday, March 1, 2016

»»»--- HEART to HEART -----»

For those of you who don't know....hearts follow me. 
About 2 years ago, I asked for a sign, and since then, hearts literally show up everywhere I go. Not just actual heart shaped things, but things that accidentally look like hearts in nature. I take them as a good sign that I'm on the right journey.
From time to time I'm going to share one of my heart finds, along with a personal heart to heart story for you as a way to show you how much nutrition and health are affected by our "story".
I'm a master nutrition therapist by trade, but if there's one thing I've learned BIG TIME this year, it's that nutrition is just one *teeny tiny* part of the health equation.
So I'm going deeper. I have a lot more to offer than just nutrition advice. We are much more complicated than what our "diet" looks like. Amiright?? Let's talk about those things.
»» Let's go beyond the green smoothie. ««
I want to hear your stories and find out what feeds YOUR happy.
For example, this photo today is probably one of my favorite finds even though I have over 600 heart photos and just saw this one a few days ago. I was standing in the right spot, with just the right point of view, and two completely different pieces lined up to form a heart.
It was taken at my gym.
I say *my* gym for two reasons: I work there as a nutritionist, but it has also become a place where I found my strength. Not just the obvious muscle strength, but the ever elusive internal kind. Ahhh. 🙌
I haven't always been a "gym rat", in fact most of the time I exercised my excuse muscle more than anything else. But because I am always striving to be better, and determined to be stronger, emotionally and physically, than ever, I've managed to create a habit of hitting the gym 5-6 days a week for the first time in my life.
»» And I'm freaking proud of that. ««
It feeds my happy. It's nourishment for my soul. The obvious physical effects are one thing....but the internal confidence and belief in myself are priceless. 
What are you doing to conquer your demons and become a better you? Are you striving to become the best version of you or have you given up hope? How can I help you feed your happy? 

Big love and magic!  ~ Christy <3