Something has been heavy on my mind lately and I honestly haven’t been able to quite put it into cohesive words for a blog post. I am not 100% positive that’s even going to happen today, but it’s time to get them out anyway.
As you most likely know, I am a Master Nutrition Therapist. What does that mean exactly?
Well, I’m glad you asked.
It means I am super fucked up.
Yeah, I said it.
I got into nutrition to find THE ONE THING that would heal the world. I had small ambitions, okay??? But truly, I believed I’d find that thing. The magic answer.
But also…I got TOO MANY answers.
I don’t know where this is going. And I truly hope it doesn’t come across as whiney or bitchy or idiotic but hear me out.
I started my nutrition journey as a fat chick with a thyroid problem. Hashimotos to be exact.
I lost the weight through a weight loss place. That wasn’t the big issue. What kept me going was seeing the other people HEAL and DROP THEIR MEDS just with changing a few foods around and eliminating some.
So, I went to school. 4 years of school.
That’s a lot of learnin. From the cellular level up, I learned what makes the body tick.
I also studied all those other diets. Paleo. Vegan. pH balanced. This. That. And the other.
They all have merits. I have pretty much put myself on each and every one for various reasons, from my own personal health and weight goals to just sheer curiosity.
But here’s where I got fucked up along the way somehow. Now, if I try to diet or lose weight, I can’t FOR THE LIFE OF ME figure out what to do.
My brain goes a little something like this when I start the process of eating healthier (this isn’t for the faint of heart. Be strong and power through, I know my brain is a scary place…)
Me: My god woman. Enough with the fruity pebbles. These size 6 jeans might be holding in your ass now, but they’re about to bust. Just because they use that “curvy girl” magical fabric doesn’t mean you should test their limits! Get yer ass to the gym and start eating healthy again!”
Also me: Yeah, you’re right. Ok. MONDAY I’ll start. So, I’ll just eat clean. No more junk!
Me: Sounds like a plan. Get that grocery list going.
Also me: Chicken….ground turkey……greek yogurt…but wait. According to my LEAP test results I can’t have chicken. Or turkey. Or dairy.
Me: Focus, girl. At least it’s not Taco Bell.
Also me: Right right right….ok….brown rice….quinoa….oats….but wait. According to the paleo diet I shouldn’t have grains.
Me: My god.
Also me: FINE. Berries….bananas….pineapple. But wait. According to the low carb diet I shouldn’t have…
Me: Oh for fucks sake.
So you see. I start a diet and then I give up because I get lost in finding the “right one”. And I’ve actually had success on each and every one. I’ve lost weight on paleo. I’ve lost weight eating dairy twice a day. I’ve lost weight on low carb. I’ve lost weight on pH. I’ve lost weight doing all kinds of weird things. But my biggest issue I guess is that I want it to work right now, without a doubt and I want the weight to fall off. So what’s the best one to do for that? If I pick the wrong one I’ve wasted my time and who’s got time for that??
This is usually where I give up and then go hog wild eating whatever I want. Because that makes total sense.
I’m smart. I’m a good nutritionist. I know what to do for my clients. But for me, that inside voice gets me all wonky. It’s a fear of some sort. A fear of what? Failing? Giving up my favorite foods? I am honestly not sure but I just need to throw a dart and pick a diet and stick to it no matter what that crack addict voice inside is telling me.
Guess I better get my grocery list going.
Spinach….romaine…fruity pebbles…. oops. :)